I didn't mean to sound bitter when I was doing this. Sorry if I sounded...odd. We read this in creative writing today, and I had no idea that it was going to sound the way it did. Sorry!
Well, here is my first creative writing assignment for the semester. It's kind of weird in my opinion. I'm still kind of stuck in a writer's block, so please forgive me. The topic was myself, so I was a little bit bored with it, but oh well.
I’m sorry to disappoint, but the sad fact is, my life is just as insignificant as anyone else thinks their life is. I was born, I’m still growing up, and one day, I’ll die. That part is the easy part. It’s always the things in between that I have trouble getting straight.
I started writing in fifth grade. One day, I just sat down and wrote. A few days later, it was a story. I entered it into the Reflections contest, and I won. Ever since then, I’ve been obsessed with the feeling of words at my fingertips.
I like to consider myself as a normal teenager. I go to school, I have a part-time job, I like to be with my friends, and I even feel like the world conspires against me sometimes. In some ways, that’s what I hate about myself too. I’ve been relieved to be ordinary, but some days, I want to be more than that. One day, I’m hoping to overcome this stereotype and become an extraordinary person. I know every kid says that they want to accomplish something like this, but then they drop the dream as reality closes in on them. That’s the thing about my reality: It’s already different from those I know. When faith in something is lost, all other hope falters. I guess I haven’t quite lost all faith in myself yet.
My worst fear is that one day I’ll be alone. I’ve already pushed friends away because I was trying to be honest, trying to be a good friend. My intentions weren’t seen as noble, and I’m afraid they never will be. I’m scared that I won’t have a warm hand to hold as I go through the bad times in life. I know it sounds slightly crazy, but my nightmares can seem so real sometimes, and this was one of them.
One of my new, favorite quotes from the movie Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix helps sort of illustrate my point. “You’re the weak one. You will never know love or friendship, and I feel sorry for you.” I don’t want to become the inadequate one. I don’t want to lose everything I live for. I want to be the lucky one with love in my life. With some events that happened last year, all I feel like I’m capable of is losing friendships. I’m scared that’s all I’ll become: another loser friend for the record books.
2 comments:
Today I found myself thinking- wow. Aleesha really has a lot going for her. And I'm headed aimlessly to a big fat no where so far.
It's just funny to me, everyone has silly insecurities and moments of despair and no hope, when really maybe they just need to hear it again how amazing they really are. Aleesh, you seriously are so amazing.
Just remember that we're all in this together. Whether you're the hillbilly from down the street, the crazy cat lady, or just an ordinary teenage girl. We're all doing the same thing here, and those worldly accomplishments might not mean much in the end. So don't think for one second that your life is just as insignificant as anyone elses! You're YOU and your are certainly EXTRAordinary.
I think that even those who aren't alone, still fear that they'll be alone. You have tons of friends who love you, and I'm not just saying this because you're my best, but because you really do. And pushing friends away isn't always bad, especialy when it's for the right reasons. That certainly hasn't gone unnoticed, leesh. People who are really looking for the best, deserve the best.You'll find the best.
So, if you can't figure it out, you need to spend more time. If you can't decide what kind of sandwhich you want, do you just throw a bunch of ketchup, turkey, peanut butter and jelly all together in a big mix, and consume it? No, it'll make you sick.
Decisions like these, they're kinda the same as that sandwhich. You have to figure out what kind of sandwhich you need, or you might make yourself ill.
And who wants to do that? Not my favorite Aleesha.
You don't need to be worrying about a hand to hold the rest of your life, you're in high school. It might be different for some, but don't rush your life. Enjoy the silly moments while you can. Because boys will always be there, but being young won't. Keep your head up, and stalk slowly, they're bound to notice the grass rustling sooner or later. :]
it didn't sound bitter or odd.
It sounded real, honest and mature.
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